Ultrasound in a couple of hours~ (with update)

Nervous! excited~ and nervous again! eeeeeeee. I get my first ultrasound today. John is going with me. It'll be his first time in the building, which is practically an island and so cool. You can see the ocean and it's surrounded by inter-coastal waterway.

Gosh. I'm nervous. I know you aren't supposed to be pessimistic, but I'm just fully aware of problems that are possible. I'm really not a debbie downer. I just don't want to be blindly optimistic either. I didn't know this early with Noah b/c of my irregular periods. So this is all new to me.

So happy thoughts. rational happy ones.

Alright..well I gotta go shave my legs. This is a vaginal ultrasound. :/ woo. haha.

Will update later~!~!~!~

Update: Good news! heathy, kinda wiggly little mini baby with a heart rate of 174 bpm.
The ultrasound tech didn't have to do the internal u/s. We got a good look from the outside. And I got to hear the heartbeat! So it's only one. I guess that's a relief, but I would have been plenty pleased with twins :) We could get a bigger house on base if we have 3 kids ;-) But two will do! It was a really cool experience. John is excited, and I am relieved! It's definitely real now :) My "technical" due date is June 2, based on my last period. But the baby is measuring 2 days smaller b/c I ovulated 2 days "late"....but my due date with the doctor will remain June 2. Silly I think. It should be June 4. But you know babies never make a scheduled entrance. So whatever, It'll be a nice birthday present (june 3) regardless!

Dreaming

Today is my first appointment! But the not so exciting part is that I won't get an ultrasound yet. I have to schedule it today. Hopefully this week! And I think all this waiting is finally getting to me... I've been kind of melancholy for the last couple of days. Maybe it's my rebellion against laundry. But also I've been queasy a lot. Not quite nauseous, but enough to feel uneasy. I do get kind of depressed when I'm sick. So maybe it's just a touch of that. I'm so nervous too. I just want good news, ya know. Only time will tell. And I guess I'd better get used to all this waiting. But I'm thinking of getting a doppler heart listener when I'm farther along. I'd probably be obsessive though..so I don't know if that's a great idea.

We went to Disney World last week! It was perfect. HOT. But perfect. I was really scared that it would be hella crowded. Because when we arrived and parked, I was in the same parking lot as my previous visit (when it was terribly crowded). We got in the park..finally. Gosh tickets, monorail.. bag line.. walk through turny thing with the fingerprinting! Big brother big brother... Anyway, we walked in, me stressing about the crowd. And we went right to Tomorrowland to Buzz Lightyear. And there was no line! I mean.. it was amazing. And except for Fantasy Land..which is where Peter Pan, It's a Small World, Winnie the Pooh, and Dumbo are it was pretty crowd free all day! I guess the park wasn't deserted or anything, but it was definitely comfortable. Which is magical all by itself! And my little Noah.. is not so little. He was tall enough for Splash Mountain!! And he loved it. We all rode it, I figured since it's not rough, I'd be safe. If I was actually showing I wouldn't have gone on it.

That was the first time that John and I have been to Disney together. And that was special for us :) I was so happy that John had a great time! The best part is, we still have 4 more times to go before Christmas! It will be a bit of a challenge to fit it in though. He's going away for a week in November. And then 2 weeks in December. I'm really excited about Epcot.

Oh~ I'm learning how to knit! I'm making a gender neutral LSU blanket.. I think.. haha. It seems like a lot of work. But it'll be worth it. I told John this is how I can prove my craftiness. And if I complete this, then I've earned the right to get a sewing machine.

Alright..well I think I might go get a pedicure to ease my anxiety about my appt today ;) It's not even the ultrasound! I guess just going to the office makes this a little more real.

I think my husband is allergic to wedding rings..

Well, John just got his THIRD wedding ring today. That's right. number 3. Number one was a wide plain white gold band bought from a kiosk in the mall for about $80. That's the original wedding band.

#1 is now at the bottom of the Banana River, the waterway just out our back door. He was fishing on the dock and got fish goo/slime/slipperiness all over his hands. The ring just slipped right off. So he says ;)

#2 was a cool titanium $40 ring from walmart. We got that before he went away to his 6 weeks of training several months ago. John's been playing in a football league with a couple of games a week for the last 2 months. Well.. of course he takes it off. and loses it. somewhere. where? Nobody knows.

#3, which I purchased today, is also a cool $40 titanium band from walmart. I love those.. I want a new one too! Anyway..and he's flying to Louisiana tomorrow. He's in a friend's wedding in Shreveport this weekend. So I just can't let him travel without "married" plastered on his hand! I dropped off some jambalaya to him today for potluck at his job. I rolled down the window to pass along the dish and said.......but first. John David Gillard, (hand with ring box extends out car window) will you stay married to me? He said yes! It was sweet :) Now my territory is officially marked again..haha.

Of course I'm pleased with my dainty ring. I just sure do like the hip looking ones. Maybe I should go find some fish goo and walk really close to the water.

tiny, itty bitty, teensy weensy, microscopic news

Well, here you go. I'm not sure how many people actually read my blog? I updated my previous entry yesterday. But alas! Today is a new day~ Next Stop on the Gillard Train. Prayers welcome. And for now this is not Facebook news. For a while actually.

I just can't help but blog about it a little! There, that's a little. I am so happy. So nervous too. Comparing this to a movie theater experience, the previews aren't even playing yet. It's just trivia time.

Sickness stresses me out and gives me cabin fever BAD.

Noah is finally back in school and looking illness free for now. Yayyyy. But I'm wary about bringing him anywhere now.

So to catch up, the second or third week of preschool he got Salmonella...jeez. Of all things. It's one of those things that gets reported to public health. I have no clue where he got it. But of course I feared it was my fault.. but who knows. There is a LOT of bird poo on the doc. From big people sized birds. And salmonella has been found in poo that was 5 years old. Could have been from the millions of lizards and frogs we have around the house. Mostly outside..mostly. So I had to provide a stool sample...which... is gross. He had a fever that never stopped spiking. Tylenol--103--Motrin--103--Tylenol--103...etc. And he said it felt like there was a T-Rex in his tummy. Isn't that the cutest way to describe it? Antibiotics are a mom's best friend in situations like this.
And THEN.. Labor Day weekend he got Croup. Fever again for a few days. This time is was more 101/102. He completely lost his voice. Brought him to the doctor again that week and was really hoping people there didn't think I was one of those psycho moms who gives illnesses to their kids. Isn't that what happened in that movie Unbreakable...oh ..no it was The Sixth Sense. Someone poisoned the child for attention. Anyway, being in the office that many times in 3 weeks wasn't fun. And you can't really treat croup unless you are having trouble breathing at the moment you see the doctor, you just stick your head in the freezer if the coughing is out of control at home or go to the ER if it gets serious. We are still using the cool mist humidifier. But it's gone now! And he is back to school. And I am very relieved. I'm still nervous about the H1N1 flu. I think he probably got croup b/c his immune system was still crappy from the salmonella. But the school is pretty crazy with the hand washing. Parents are required to use hand sanitizer before signing in and out. Pretty cool.

The base is in the middle of a big exercise. practicing anti-terrorism stuff. John has a pretty nifty role to play during these things. He gets to be around the really important people. I'm so darn proud of him!!! Anyway..he got called in on Saturday and Sunday and has been working from 6 to 6 every day this week. So he's beat. And he needs a haircut.

My neighbor across the street does those Passion "Slumber" Parties. And I've never been to a party like that. It was fun! and that's all I've got to say about that..

So, I know last month I was pretty certain that I ovulated using soy isoflavones. But.... I totally did not. And I'm kind of mad at myself for getting so excited about all those prospective symptoms. However, this month I took clomid and have been charting my temperatures on a couple of different programs. I have a clear thermal shift for 5 days ago! http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/280a7f And combined with a few other tell-tale signs, I'm very confident. I'm getting a blood test done on Friday to see what my progesterone levels are. Those are only an indication of ovulation, not pregnancy. So I'll just have to wait a weekish after that to take a pregnancy test. I refuse to buy any right now, because I'll surely waste them too early. No self control. If I am pregnant, the due date would be around June 2. June 3 is MY birthday. So that would be cool :)

Tomorrow I'm babysitting my neighbor's little boy. I get a taste of what 2 kids at once is like. I'm kinda nervous!
(September 22~Edited to add : I have GREAT news on my chart!! It's blood test official, but we aren't broadcasting to facebook or anything, not for a couple of months. So if you read this don't put anything on my wall! haha.. I actually took off the blog link a week ago in anticipation of good news. And it is extremely early. So we are being cautiously optimistic. ...but...I should have another mouth to feed in the beginning of June!)

Testing..photo..thanks :)

Ok.. these are ovulation tests. If anyone happens to know more about this than me, do you think I missed my surge on CD14 @10a.m.? I think so. hope so. dunnooooo...err.

UPDATE: I took more tests (not pictured) on cd16 that were darker than the previous dark ones. And turns out the chart says I ovulated on cd 17 .

All's quiet. All alone.

My big huge kid, who is 4 and a grown-up--according to him b/c he's 4, is away at preschool. Day 3. It's really not such a big deal. I DID almost cry when I was pulling out of the parking lot on Day 1. But really it's just 3 hours a day. That's not bad. It's not too much. But next year.. oh goodness. just next year. He really will be a grown up.

I've been thinking about next year. And I've encountered a lot of people who are homeschooling their children. And they are great ladies. I mean. Really awesome Godly women and great to be around. A model of motherhood (from my perspective) and really dedicated to their mom jobs. And I've been thinking about it. how fun it would be to have your very own schedule. and how I could get a Disney pass and go in the middle of the week! ;) And how home school would be stability in our moving military life. But i also think of how Noah seems to rebel for ME and not strangers/teachers. How he's getting defiant. And how silly he is when it's TIME TO GET DRESSED AND LEAVE. And I'm sorta a.d.d. And how I think i would get cabin fever. Maybe I wouldn't even know what to teach. (although I know there are great resources I could find) I mean, I'd really have to get my act together. Anyway, it's been on my mind. Could I, would I, would I like it?

Under some circumstances, I would have to... like.. a crazy flu causing all schools to be closed. Yes I think about that stuff a lot. And you know.. I think what it really is, is that I feel like women who home school their children are showing their love in a very deliberate and heightened way. Ah hah. I have figured out my outlook on this. It's the same way I feel about stay at home moms, which I wasn't for a while. It's a sacrifice you make... financially or otherwise.. to be with your child. And I sure felt a lot of guilt for working. Although it's what we had to do at the time. And if I just send my child on a bus to a school all day, I might feel like there's MORE I should be doing, as a mother. More mothering, more guidance. But at the same time, I'm not so sure that I'd even be good at it or enjoy it. So I have no plans to home school. Just a ton of respect and admiration for those that do. And I kind of can't get it off my mind.
And then what if we have a baby soon? I don't think I could do both..

Speaking of babies. I'm clueless about my innards. Taking provera to start my period after numerous negative pregnancy tests. I'm on CD 40 and 20 dpo. I hate not working. Hate it. Bright side: I start clomid as soon as my new cycle begins.