Ultrasound in a couple of hours~ (with update)

Nervous! excited~ and nervous again! eeeeeeee. I get my first ultrasound today. John is going with me. It'll be his first time in the building, which is practically an island and so cool. You can see the ocean and it's surrounded by inter-coastal waterway.

Gosh. I'm nervous. I know you aren't supposed to be pessimistic, but I'm just fully aware of problems that are possible. I'm really not a debbie downer. I just don't want to be blindly optimistic either. I didn't know this early with Noah b/c of my irregular periods. So this is all new to me.

So happy thoughts. rational happy ones.

Alright..well I gotta go shave my legs. This is a vaginal ultrasound. :/ woo. haha.

Will update later~!~!~!~

Update: Good news! heathy, kinda wiggly little mini baby with a heart rate of 174 bpm.
The ultrasound tech didn't have to do the internal u/s. We got a good look from the outside. And I got to hear the heartbeat! So it's only one. I guess that's a relief, but I would have been plenty pleased with twins :) We could get a bigger house on base if we have 3 kids ;-) But two will do! It was a really cool experience. John is excited, and I am relieved! It's definitely real now :) My "technical" due date is June 2, based on my last period. But the baby is measuring 2 days smaller b/c I ovulated 2 days "late"....but my due date with the doctor will remain June 2. Silly I think. It should be June 4. But you know babies never make a scheduled entrance. So whatever, It'll be a nice birthday present (june 3) regardless!

Dreaming

Today is my first appointment! But the not so exciting part is that I won't get an ultrasound yet. I have to schedule it today. Hopefully this week! And I think all this waiting is finally getting to me... I've been kind of melancholy for the last couple of days. Maybe it's my rebellion against laundry. But also I've been queasy a lot. Not quite nauseous, but enough to feel uneasy. I do get kind of depressed when I'm sick. So maybe it's just a touch of that. I'm so nervous too. I just want good news, ya know. Only time will tell. And I guess I'd better get used to all this waiting. But I'm thinking of getting a doppler heart listener when I'm farther along. I'd probably be obsessive though..so I don't know if that's a great idea.

We went to Disney World last week! It was perfect. HOT. But perfect. I was really scared that it would be hella crowded. Because when we arrived and parked, I was in the same parking lot as my previous visit (when it was terribly crowded). We got in the park..finally. Gosh tickets, monorail.. bag line.. walk through turny thing with the fingerprinting! Big brother big brother... Anyway, we walked in, me stressing about the crowd. And we went right to Tomorrowland to Buzz Lightyear. And there was no line! I mean.. it was amazing. And except for Fantasy Land..which is where Peter Pan, It's a Small World, Winnie the Pooh, and Dumbo are it was pretty crowd free all day! I guess the park wasn't deserted or anything, but it was definitely comfortable. Which is magical all by itself! And my little Noah.. is not so little. He was tall enough for Splash Mountain!! And he loved it. We all rode it, I figured since it's not rough, I'd be safe. If I was actually showing I wouldn't have gone on it.

That was the first time that John and I have been to Disney together. And that was special for us :) I was so happy that John had a great time! The best part is, we still have 4 more times to go before Christmas! It will be a bit of a challenge to fit it in though. He's going away for a week in November. And then 2 weeks in December. I'm really excited about Epcot.

Oh~ I'm learning how to knit! I'm making a gender neutral LSU blanket.. I think.. haha. It seems like a lot of work. But it'll be worth it. I told John this is how I can prove my craftiness. And if I complete this, then I've earned the right to get a sewing machine.

Alright..well I think I might go get a pedicure to ease my anxiety about my appt today ;) It's not even the ultrasound! I guess just going to the office makes this a little more real.

I think my husband is allergic to wedding rings..

Well, John just got his THIRD wedding ring today. That's right. number 3. Number one was a wide plain white gold band bought from a kiosk in the mall for about $80. That's the original wedding band.

#1 is now at the bottom of the Banana River, the waterway just out our back door. He was fishing on the dock and got fish goo/slime/slipperiness all over his hands. The ring just slipped right off. So he says ;)

#2 was a cool titanium $40 ring from walmart. We got that before he went away to his 6 weeks of training several months ago. John's been playing in a football league with a couple of games a week for the last 2 months. Well.. of course he takes it off. and loses it. somewhere. where? Nobody knows.

#3, which I purchased today, is also a cool $40 titanium band from walmart. I love those.. I want a new one too! Anyway..and he's flying to Louisiana tomorrow. He's in a friend's wedding in Shreveport this weekend. So I just can't let him travel without "married" plastered on his hand! I dropped off some jambalaya to him today for potluck at his job. I rolled down the window to pass along the dish and said.......but first. John David Gillard, (hand with ring box extends out car window) will you stay married to me? He said yes! It was sweet :) Now my territory is officially marked again..haha.

Of course I'm pleased with my dainty ring. I just sure do like the hip looking ones. Maybe I should go find some fish goo and walk really close to the water.

tiny, itty bitty, teensy weensy, microscopic news

Well, here you go. I'm not sure how many people actually read my blog? I updated my previous entry yesterday. But alas! Today is a new day~ Next Stop on the Gillard Train. Prayers welcome. And for now this is not Facebook news. For a while actually.

I just can't help but blog about it a little! There, that's a little. I am so happy. So nervous too. Comparing this to a movie theater experience, the previews aren't even playing yet. It's just trivia time.

Sickness stresses me out and gives me cabin fever BAD.

Noah is finally back in school and looking illness free for now. Yayyyy. But I'm wary about bringing him anywhere now.

So to catch up, the second or third week of preschool he got Salmonella...jeez. Of all things. It's one of those things that gets reported to public health. I have no clue where he got it. But of course I feared it was my fault.. but who knows. There is a LOT of bird poo on the doc. From big people sized birds. And salmonella has been found in poo that was 5 years old. Could have been from the millions of lizards and frogs we have around the house. Mostly outside..mostly. So I had to provide a stool sample...which... is gross. He had a fever that never stopped spiking. Tylenol--103--Motrin--103--Tylenol--103...etc. And he said it felt like there was a T-Rex in his tummy. Isn't that the cutest way to describe it? Antibiotics are a mom's best friend in situations like this.
And THEN.. Labor Day weekend he got Croup. Fever again for a few days. This time is was more 101/102. He completely lost his voice. Brought him to the doctor again that week and was really hoping people there didn't think I was one of those psycho moms who gives illnesses to their kids. Isn't that what happened in that movie Unbreakable...oh ..no it was The Sixth Sense. Someone poisoned the child for attention. Anyway, being in the office that many times in 3 weeks wasn't fun. And you can't really treat croup unless you are having trouble breathing at the moment you see the doctor, you just stick your head in the freezer if the coughing is out of control at home or go to the ER if it gets serious. We are still using the cool mist humidifier. But it's gone now! And he is back to school. And I am very relieved. I'm still nervous about the H1N1 flu. I think he probably got croup b/c his immune system was still crappy from the salmonella. But the school is pretty crazy with the hand washing. Parents are required to use hand sanitizer before signing in and out. Pretty cool.

The base is in the middle of a big exercise. practicing anti-terrorism stuff. John has a pretty nifty role to play during these things. He gets to be around the really important people. I'm so darn proud of him!!! Anyway..he got called in on Saturday and Sunday and has been working from 6 to 6 every day this week. So he's beat. And he needs a haircut.

My neighbor across the street does those Passion "Slumber" Parties. And I've never been to a party like that. It was fun! and that's all I've got to say about that..

So, I know last month I was pretty certain that I ovulated using soy isoflavones. But.... I totally did not. And I'm kind of mad at myself for getting so excited about all those prospective symptoms. However, this month I took clomid and have been charting my temperatures on a couple of different programs. I have a clear thermal shift for 5 days ago! http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/280a7f And combined with a few other tell-tale signs, I'm very confident. I'm getting a blood test done on Friday to see what my progesterone levels are. Those are only an indication of ovulation, not pregnancy. So I'll just have to wait a weekish after that to take a pregnancy test. I refuse to buy any right now, because I'll surely waste them too early. No self control. If I am pregnant, the due date would be around June 2. June 3 is MY birthday. So that would be cool :)

Tomorrow I'm babysitting my neighbor's little boy. I get a taste of what 2 kids at once is like. I'm kinda nervous!
(September 22~Edited to add : I have GREAT news on my chart!! It's blood test official, but we aren't broadcasting to facebook or anything, not for a couple of months. So if you read this don't put anything on my wall! haha.. I actually took off the blog link a week ago in anticipation of good news. And it is extremely early. So we are being cautiously optimistic. ...but...I should have another mouth to feed in the beginning of June!)

Testing..photo..thanks :)

Ok.. these are ovulation tests. If anyone happens to know more about this than me, do you think I missed my surge on CD14 @10a.m.? I think so. hope so. dunnooooo...err.

UPDATE: I took more tests (not pictured) on cd16 that were darker than the previous dark ones. And turns out the chart says I ovulated on cd 17 .

All's quiet. All alone.

My big huge kid, who is 4 and a grown-up--according to him b/c he's 4, is away at preschool. Day 3. It's really not such a big deal. I DID almost cry when I was pulling out of the parking lot on Day 1. But really it's just 3 hours a day. That's not bad. It's not too much. But next year.. oh goodness. just next year. He really will be a grown up.

I've been thinking about next year. And I've encountered a lot of people who are homeschooling their children. And they are great ladies. I mean. Really awesome Godly women and great to be around. A model of motherhood (from my perspective) and really dedicated to their mom jobs. And I've been thinking about it. how fun it would be to have your very own schedule. and how I could get a Disney pass and go in the middle of the week! ;) And how home school would be stability in our moving military life. But i also think of how Noah seems to rebel for ME and not strangers/teachers. How he's getting defiant. And how silly he is when it's TIME TO GET DRESSED AND LEAVE. And I'm sorta a.d.d. And how I think i would get cabin fever. Maybe I wouldn't even know what to teach. (although I know there are great resources I could find) I mean, I'd really have to get my act together. Anyway, it's been on my mind. Could I, would I, would I like it?

Under some circumstances, I would have to... like.. a crazy flu causing all schools to be closed. Yes I think about that stuff a lot. And you know.. I think what it really is, is that I feel like women who home school their children are showing their love in a very deliberate and heightened way. Ah hah. I have figured out my outlook on this. It's the same way I feel about stay at home moms, which I wasn't for a while. It's a sacrifice you make... financially or otherwise.. to be with your child. And I sure felt a lot of guilt for working. Although it's what we had to do at the time. And if I just send my child on a bus to a school all day, I might feel like there's MORE I should be doing, as a mother. More mothering, more guidance. But at the same time, I'm not so sure that I'd even be good at it or enjoy it. So I have no plans to home school. Just a ton of respect and admiration for those that do. And I kind of can't get it off my mind.
And then what if we have a baby soon? I don't think I could do both..

Speaking of babies. I'm clueless about my innards. Taking provera to start my period after numerous negative pregnancy tests. I'm on CD 40 and 20 dpo. I hate not working. Hate it. Bright side: I start clomid as soon as my new cycle begins.

I do believe

I do believe I ovulated!! And I'm currently 9 days post ovulation. Had a lot of cramping the past few days. Implantation perhaps?? I can certainly hope! Hope and dissect and wonder and plead and scrutinize and fear and hope some more and obsess. Yes. That's what I've been doing. But I figure this is my first cycle charting and really taking note. (But we have not been preventing for about 2 years, the que sera sera method) So I'm allowed to indulge a little. Now, if all this attention on my part has been for naught.. well.. I might do it again and again and even again. But I'll probably mellow out a lot if I get my hopes up every month only to have them crushed.

But for now, for me, just ovulating is a triumph. Maybe it's the metformin finally kicking in or the documented 10 lbs that made a magic exit from my body these last few months. Maybe it's even the soy isoflavones that I took "just like clomid" in the beginning of my cycle. But I will not be devastated if I start my period this week. Bummed. yes. But it would be a relief to have my lady pipes doing what they were made to do!

I have the ~best idea ever~ for telling John if and when I get pregnant. I'll save it though :)

Noah is fevery today :((( I hope he feels better soon. And he just woke up from his nap. gotta go see.

Are there any eggs in this chicken?

So.. I'm just sitting around.. waiting to see if I ovulate. I'm not on clomid yet. That's next month. However, I did take some soy isoflavones for 5 days in the beginning of this cycle, which was a provera-induced cycle. I'm on cd 11. We shall see! I was crazy emotional yesterday. Don't know if that's a good sign. What's does it feel like to be reproductively normal? I don't know. I'm looking into every anomaly. Good thing there are places on the internet like babycenter.
So ~I'll be happy to have a baby any time. But.. if I had an April baby, it would complete a sequence of months that involve b-days/anniversaries.

March-John's bday
April-_________
May-Anniversary
June-my bday
July-Noah's b-day.

So pray for my ovaries, you see how cool that would be. Maybe especially my left one? It could just be gas.. but I have an anomalaic feeling down there! (pretty sure that's not a real word)

In other news Mom and Dad are coming in town tomorrow! I'm growing more and more excited. I had just been stressed out about getting the house in a "parent approved" state. But ehh.. it'll get done at the last minute. Like always. And it'll be fine. I bought half of the grocery store yesterday. I'm really a fly by the seat of my pants meal planner. Run to the grocery store at 4:30. But 5 stomachs require more planning.

We are going to have a bowling birthday party for Noah. He loves it. I'm awesome. Way better than John. I orded an Ice Age cake. Me and Noah went and saw that movie last week. And gosh darn it I almost cried with the Mammoth had a baby. I got all misty eyed.

ok.. I must..go..clean..my.. house..now..

wet towels = no shower!

So I'm just waiting to take a shower. I'm gross. Go, dryer, go. After that, I'll peel Noah away from Dora and Diego long enough to sucker him into the car. Then off to the commissary we go. (grocery store on base) And I really wanted to be gone long before now, because it's supposed to rain again today. A lot I think. It really has been beautifully stormy in the afternoons. I get such a great view from my patio! But someone got struck by lightening down the beach from us. and died. Really sad. Someone on a vacation with his family. How sad is that?? Man.. The lightening is pretty fierce. Dangerous.
Which reminds me of a couple of great photos I got of it the other night.
There was a distant storm. I set the shutter at 30 seconds. I am amazed at the power of a tripod! Unbelievable.

Hopefully I'll be having a baby next year! I'm starting clomid next month. Crazy. Crazy. I'd be ok with twins. There is just a slightly higher chance of those. But it may not work at all..... ahhh.. so we will just see. I've lost a few pounds with metformin and a lower GI diet. (glycemic index) This week I'm kind of struggling. I'm craving sweets. I know why though--we went out of town and I stopped the metformin for a couple of days. It can cause a little tummy trouble. And well, that would be a big hassle out of town. So now I'm paying the price. It's not as strong in my system and not combating the insulin thing. I was doing really well. And I'd also started an interval running program. I'm getting back to that. It feels really good to sort of take charge of my body again. Especially since I now know that I CAN take it back. It's something I felt very helpless about before. And self-loathing about. But it wasn't *just* my conscious decisions. It was bad wiring.

So... ok. I think it's ok to throw out some baby names now! Since I'm being optimistic :)
These all happen to be for girls. Though I don't know WHAT I'd do with a dramatic emotional little person. :)
Magnolia
Maple
Azalea
Shelby
Leigh
Julianna
Sunnie

Hopefully I don't need all those names ;) But Kate (with 8 and no Jon) has PCOS too! I think she used injectibles though.

Ok. ready or not. I'm taking a shower. damp towel is better than no towel.

John is coming HOME today!!

It has been 6 long weeks since I had my husband at home. He was away at training, and I did get to go to Louisiana and spend a chunk of time there. It was really nice. And I'm not quite sure when we'll be heading back :(

The drive isn't bad when it's split into 6 hour days. I discovered that I really like Gainesville, Gator country. It's so hilly! It's like Florida mountains. It would be fun to live there and show off all our LSU paraphernalia. But that's a future daydream and not worth the effort right now!

So I came home to this house a few days ago. And I surely left it cleaner than this! I remember rushing to make sure the kitchen was bug target free. But maybe I left other things in disarray. Ah.. well. I've learned recently that I have historically felt a lot of pressure to be neat. And I felt like I was a bad person for not living up to that standard. But I'm ok! It doesn't have to be a condemnation of my character because I have trouble keeping my car clean or whatever.

I'm getting baby fever pretty bad. Just thought I'd say it. Pray for my ovaries.

Lightening the load

(Us at the shuttle landing)

Well, I'm here in my messy living room with the beautiful view. It's dark so I can't see it. John, Noah and I just watched a rocket launch about an hour ago. Kennedy Space Center is about 10 miles or so north, and we have a great view from the back of our house. Tonight we got out on the balcony and watched. We have been soo lucky to see a couple of rockets go up and the shuttle go up and back down. This was such a dream of mine. I never anticipated that I would get to see a whole bunch of hunks of metal get shot into space. I just hoped to see at least a shuttle. And John's first assignment is here. Lucky is an understatement.

Speaking of John, he's LEAVING on Sunday. He'll be at school for 6 weeks. We'll be here and then Louisiana for a while. And then back here. Hopefully we'll also have a clean house by the time John gets home. I want a clean house about as much as I wanted to see a shuttle launch. Anyway, John will be gone for longer than he was in officer training. This should be easier. But it'll probably still be tough on Noah. He doesn't get why he has to talk to daddy on the phone instead of in person. But there is so much fun stuff to do around here to keep us busy, besides cleaning the house. (which, btw, seems like 1 step forward, 2 back)

I think moving here is one of the best things I've ever been able to do in my life. Hopefully this never happens though. --http://www.floridatoday.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=2009904030318--
I am so content. It's beautiful and sunny. I am so stress free compared to 2 months ago. We've sold our house in Sugar Land. I don't have to worry about whether or not I'm a good teacher. Our bills and debt are minimal. In base housing, we don't even worry about utilities. I'm so fortunate. And I just feel kind of saturated in goodness. Not all is perfect though! My house is a wreck, for example. And I'm not hating on the people who live here, but ... well I'll leave it at that.

My goals right now:

A) Enjoy my time with Noah. I love staying home with him. Even if I wanted a job here, the school districts are in a really bad place, financially--laying people off and cutting school days. I am just having so much fun with Noah. We go to garage sales together. We get googly eyed at puppies at pet stores together. We poorly paint furniture while doing "restoration" and go grocery shopping. We watch the airplanes and sit in the hammock and read about dinosaurs. This is so much better than his first year, when I stayed home. Maybe it's my maturity or his or the environment. But I love it. And I'm grateful.

B) Get fit. Oh my, how I miss my college rowing days and my skinny self. But life happened. PCOS happened. Houston happened. No excuses. But here I am. I did get a rowing boat. (my dad is going to build the missing ingredient part that's missing, and I should be on the water soon) And I'm bringing Noah to a home daycare on base for a few hours each week so I can go to the wellness center, which has awesome classes and tvs on the treadmills. I also have discovered a "couch to 5k" ipod running program. We recently got an ipod, such an upgrade from the shuffle! So here's a toast to the new me. -clink-

C) Have a neat, welcoming home.

D) Get rowing! By the time Noah goes to preschool, I hope to NOT be a rusty rower anymore. And I'll be able to go out on the water regularly, since I'll be Noah-less regularly each morning. I went out once in my new old boat, and it was rough! I'm not good at it right now.

E) Have a baby again. Just one will do. I need to hurry up and start seeing an endocrinologist around here.



Well I guess that's a solid life update.

Days like these

Welcome to my new blog! And welcome to my "new" life as well. I'm still me, of course, but the scenery of my life sure has changed a lot in 3 months. I've gone from TAKS prep stress to wariness about jellyfish, horseshoe crabs, snakes and my patio plant survival.